Father.

The last thing my dad said to me was "Disregard.".  I've spent so much of my life attempting to develop a relationship with my father with no reciprocation. I never thought I'd be that guy that said he'd never talk to his dad and be okay with it - I hope I don't regret this for the rest of my life.

What does it look like to be a good father? Is he present? Does he contribute to your life financially? Spiritually? I honestly don't know.

I've had many examples of what a father is throughout my life, the best of those within the past few years but throughout my life my mom has made it a point to surround me with men - Boy Scouts, Karate, Soccer, Baseball, Football, Hockey - I mean she went out of her way to make sure I was surrounded by men, and I am beyond thankful for that - but does that really suffice when it comes to having a father in your life? No. At least not for me.

I accepted Christ into my heart when I was 14 years old. Sure I had been raised in the Catholic Church but the day I knew I wanted to follow Christ didn't come until I was 14. Jesus cares about me, Jesus wants what is best for me, Jesus loves me. These are all things I had never experienced in my life and honestly they were completely foreign to me and they were the exact things I had always wanted in a father - the perfect example of who I want to become.

There's something I've been learning more and more lately - and it's kind of rough. It is impossible to be the perfect Father, it is impossible to be the perfect Husband, it is impossible to be the perfect boyfriend. Why? Because we're all still learning. God has perfected it, because God is perfect. I will never reach that point until I have died, but I'm working on it. I learn a little more daily, and I hope to be at a point once I have children to truly be a father to my children. It takes time.