Giving.

Why do we give? We're all out here struggling to make it, working our butts off to make a better life for ourselves and our families, we've worked hard for every last cent we have, so why should we give any of that to other people that haven't tried as hard? Right?

I think a better question we should be asking is "Why shouldn't we give?".

Tonight my life group and I went to a park in Anaheim to reach out to a community in need. In this predominantly Hispanic community we met up to cook hot dogs, play some soccer ( I tried to get some people into some football but that wasn't happening ) and hand out some school supplies we had got together. It would have been easy to jump into this community and start passing judgement on immigration status and their lack of English and a million other things, but that's not why we were there - we were there to give ourselves in any way that was needed. Why? Cause this is, what I believe, loving your neighbor as yourself looks like.

I think it's easy to get wrapped up in politics, and semantics and every other dumb thing and allow ourselves to lose sight of what's important - I do it all the time, but to be honest - none of that matters.

Yes, it may be bad for our state that we have illegal immigrants draining our system. Yes, it may be annoying struggling to get the food you want from the butcher at the mexican market cause he doesn't speak English. And yes, it may be frustrating to press "2" for English - but the truth is, they are loved by the same God that loves me, and that's all that should matter.

This reminds me of the story of the Good Samaritan in the the book of Luke. Basically, a Jewish guy got robbed and beat up on a well traveled road. He was then passed by several people that you would expect to help him, a friendly neighbor and a religious leader - but neither of them helped him. Then a Samaritan came up, took him home and took care of him. The funny thing about this story and it's title is that Jews and Samaritans absolutely hated each other, but in that moment when the Jew was in need, the Samaritan saw not a Jew, but a fellow man.

That's who I want to be. The kind of man that loves others as I love myself - not because they believe the same things I do or look like me, but simply because they are here.

Surprises.

I like to be surprised by people. Not like a surprise birthday party, or a snake in a can kind of surprise - but to see someone do something you never would have expected them to do. Whether it's good or bad, big or little, I like to be surprised by people. I think it keeps me fresh, keeps me from thinking I have people figured out, and keeps me honest.

I have this friend, I'll keep this somewhat ambiguous for his sake - but I'm sure you'll figure out who it is if you know the story. When we were in high school he was always doing ridiculous stuff, like stealing the yard narc's golf cart and crashing it into a tree. When we got older he would always want to go up into the hills and start a bon-fire and throw aerosol cans in it, I mean - it was awesome to see them explode. As the years went by and I found myself working in jobs that carried great responsibility I grew away from that - but he didn't. I remember him starting to hang out with people that were years younger than us and thinking that he was doing it just to have people on his same maturity level to do crazy things with. Then he got his girlfriend pregnant.

Honestly, when he first told me this I was kind of bummed. I assumed that he would continue down his path of immaturity and not be a good father - the he surprised me. I have never seen someone turn things around so fast, he buckled down at work, saved money, got married, and has done nothing since but do everything he can to be the best husband, father, man that he can be - and nothing stokes me out more.

See, no matter how hard I try, I can't help but think I've got things figured out at times, but in reality - I think I have very little figured out. I wish there was some way that I could apply this into my everyday life, when I meet a homeless person, when I talk to the cashier at the grocery store, when I talk to people I've known for years. Cause while I like being surprised, I think hoping for the best consistently would be a much better way of going about things.

I mean, what would the world be like if everyone stopped jumping to conclusions about people? If we stopped assuming that asians were bad drivers and middle-eastern looking people were terrorists, or that homeless people would just buy alcohol with the money we give them - how would things change?

See, I love being surprised - but I think the world would be a much better place if I stopped jumping to conclusions.

Want.

What has God done for you recently? I mean really - what has He done that you can speak of? When you prayed that He would help you get that job you really want a few months ago, did you get it? Or when you prayed to find the love of your life to quench your inferno of a desire to be loved - did they show up? How about when that person that is close to you was dying and you prayed for them to get better - did they? The chances are that they didn't, so what does this say about this "God" that we claim to be so good, and so loving, and so caring?

When I was in fifth grade I remember laying in bed every night, looking up at the stars and praying that Lauren Mascarella would be my wife one day. At the time I wasn't a Christian so I prayed to stars - you know, like Jiminey Cricket told us to. Had I been a Christian I would have said "Father" instead of "Star light, star bright", but the fact is that I would pray for this every single night. In my fifth grade year book Lauren wrote, "I'm going to a different school, I'll never see you again - have a nice life". I went home a cried. The last time I saw Lauren was in my Junior year of High School, she was very gothic, and very weird - I then started praying to God that that year of praying to stars wouldn't ever come true.

See, it is completely outside of our capibility to know what is best for us. We pay for jobs that are no good for us, loves that will break our hearts and lives that God is ready to take home - then we get mad when we don't get it. We're like the fat kid that always wants candy bars and says mommy doesn't love them when they don't get it - we're sick.

We diminish or relationship with God that we would have with a magic 8-ball.

I don't think we'll ever figure it out until the day we go home.

The Road of Life

At first, I saw God as my observer, my judge, keeping track of the things I did wrong, so as to know whether I merited heaven or hell when I die. He was out there sort of like a president. I recognized His picture when I saw it, but I really didn't know Him.

But later on when I met Christ, it seemed as though life was rather like a bike ride, but it was a tandem bike, and I noticed that Christ was in the back helping me pedal.

I don't know just when it was that He suggested we change places, but life has not been the same since.

When I had control, I knew the way. It was rather boring, but predictable . . . It was the shortest distance between two points.

But when He took the lead, He knew delightful long cuts, up mountains, and through rocky places at breakneck speeds, it was all I could do to hang on! Even though it looked like madness, He said, "Pedal!"

I worried and was anxious and asked, "Where are you taking me?" He laughed and didn't answer, and I started to learn to trust.

I forgot my boring life and entered into the adventure. And when I'd say, "I'm scared," He'd lean back and touch my hand.

He took me to people with gifts that I needed, gifts of healing, acceptance and joy. They gave me gifts to take on my journey, my Lord's and mine.

And we were off again. He said, "Give the gifts away; they're extra baggage, too much weight." So I did, to the people we met, and I found that in giving I received, and still our burden was light.

I did not trust Him, at first, in control of my life. I thought He'd wreck it; but He knows bike secrets, knows how to make it bend to take sharp corners, knows how to jump to clear high rocks, knows how to fly to shorten scary passages.

And I am learning to shut up and pedal in the strangest places, and I'm beginning to enjoy the view and the cool breeze on my face with my delightful constant companion, Jesus Christ.

And when I'm sure I just can't do anymore, He just smiles and says . . . "Pedal."

Unconditional.

How unconditional is our love supposed to be? Is it okay for us to not love gay people cause they're different? Or not love musilms cause a small percentage of them are terrorists? Or not love our brother cause he kicked you in the nuts? I mean -where do we draw the line?

This is something that always blows me away about Jesus - He truly loved everyone, He didn't like everyone, but He clearly expressed His love for everyone. People would interrupt Him in the middle of important sermons by lowering their friends through a roof and setting him right in front of Jesus - did He get pissed? No, praised them, He showed them love. What about the time when the disciples had little faith when they were with Jesus in the storm - did He chastise them? Nope, He encouraged them, He showed them love. Or what about when He was hanging on the cross dying for our sins, did He curse us for putting Him through that? No, he encouraged the thrives next to Him, He showed them love.

So where do we draw the line? No where. Somewhere along the line we decided that we could put conditions on our unconditional love - and I'm trying to change that - in myself.

Gods Voice.

Written 08.07.2010

So trying to write daily is every bit as difficult as I thought it would be. I feel as if my blogs are going to become more of just ramblings of whatever random thoughts fly through my head as I write, and I'm not entirely excited for that. To be honest, for the past couple of days I have written two blogs -one that I realized was total crap about 3/4 of the way through and another which I actually finished - and even though it may be every bit as crappy as the first I wrote - I finished it, so I published it.

I think this month is going to be less of a good exercise on writing, and a really good exercise on trying to tune into God and hear Him daily. But what does it feel like to hear God? I mean, is it an audible voice that is booming and sounds like James Earl Jones? Cause if that's the case - I've never heard from God.

When I pray I listen, I really do - I'll sit there and say nothing for long periods of time, and I hear nothing. But I have heard God, not with my ears though - with my heart.

I can remember specifically when I was praying about possibly pursuing a relationship with Jen. I was on this kick where I wanted to be single and I in no way wanted to even entertain the possibility of dating anyone. We had been hanging out for a few months and I started to develop some strong, undeniable feelings for her - So I told her that I didn't think we should hang out cause I was starting to have feelings for her. Thinking back on that - I have no idea how she ever went for me after I said that. Anyway, after that I started praying for a relationship for the first time in my life - instead of asking for something from God like I always had before, I just asked God to speak to me about it. After a couple weeks of doing this I felt this peace come over me, then for the first time in a couple of years I actually had the desire to be with a girl, and it was clear to me it was Jen. So I pursued it, and I will never regret that decision.

So I guess what I'm getting at, is that God speaks to us all differently - I'm not saying He won't speak to you audibly, but I am saying that He will speak to you. It may not be the way you want, but you'll know when He does.

Community

Written 08.06.2010

Tonight my life group and I are going up to Arrowhead for a weekend of hanging out and being awesome - you know, that's how we roll. I've been thinking a lot about community lately and it's importance to us in our lives.

The Bible tells us the importance of having close friends in our lives, it uses the analogy of iron sharpening iron - I mean, are you going to sharpen iron with wood, or platstic? Nope. We need equals in our lives, or we'll become - dull.

While I make every attempt to surround myself with a diverse group of friends that will keep me relevant and real, I also recognize the importance of connecting with a close group of friends that will help me grow in the right direction, and that I can help do the same for them.

So what are we doing up here? Hanging out, talking, playing random games, growing closer together. No, we don't have a structured schedule of bible readings and quiet times - not that I'm against any of that, but our focus is on growing as a community - and I love it.

See, when we go back down into the real world with smog and traffic and bad drivers, we will be more effective as a group and in turn we will be more effective for God - and I'm pretty stoked about this.

Sufficient.

I watched the documentary "The Devil Came on Horseback" tonight, it's a documentary on the genocide going on in Darfur. I've been well aware of the genocide in Darfur and a member of "Save Darfur" for years - but what does any of that mean?

Tonight after finishing the film Jen stood up, looked around and said, "I want to go there." "Darfur?" I responded, "No, Chad. I want to do something to help those displaced." I was instantly negative and cynical about it saying that there's not much we can do and even if we did help the refugees that have escaped to eastern Chad, what they really want is to go back to a safe home - but our government is more concerned with the almighty buck than about that.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized how on track Jen was - I mean, why get so wrapped up in the endless maze of politics when you can help people now? Why allow the indifference of politicians dictate whether I still help? Why allow myself to be so easily defeated? I can think of no acceptable answers to any of those.

See, it's easy to find myself in this world wrapped up in money and politics and so many other things, that I forget whom I'm serving - God.

I've read the Bible ( and payed attention during the interesting parts ) enough to know that there was never a man of God that stood up and said "My government is doing nothing no matter how many letters I write - so, evil prevails." I actually see story after story of the exact opposite - God prevailing even when man thought He couldn't.

So I don't know what I can do, and I don't know what God wants me to do - but I want to be that man, the man that isn't defeated because the whole world gives up - the man that lives like he actually believes God is sufficient.

Legislating Morality.

This blog is going to be a solid blog of solely my opinion. I know what I'm going to say will be controversial and that some people have some very strong opinions opposite of me, and I'm fine with that - so let me throw it all out there.

I think homosexuality is a sin. Let me clarify, I think acting on homosexuality is a sin. In fact I think a lot of things are sins, and ultimately - I think that it's something between each person and God.

Back in Biblical times, specifically Jesus' time, there were these guys called Pharasiees. These guys knew the laws of the Old Testament like grapes know the vine. Not only did they know it, they felt it was their responsibility to make sure everyone else knew when they were screwing up - and they were good at it. Another thing about these guys - Jesus couldn't stand them. They had become so legalistic that they destroyed the main thing that God wanted - a relationship. To sum it up, Jesus came, claimed to be God, claimed His sinless death would pay the price for all of our sins better than any amount of laws could, and then He died. Three days later He showed back up proved He was legit.

Now fast forward two thousand years. We're sent to the polls to tell gay people they can't get married - if they do get married it apparently ruins the meaning of marriage and will create more earthquakes - cause apparently that's how God does things. Prop 8 passes, gay people can't get married, and they're pissed at Christians - and rightfully so if you ask me.

To be completely honest, I voted yes on Prop 8. I believe strongly in marriage, it is valuable beyond words to me and I will fight to support it. That's what I thought I was doing. I likened it to a non-Christian wanting to get baptized, and that in some way that would diminish the value of my baptism. I now realize how ridiculous it is for me to believe that by someone with different values for these things taking part in them it somehow ruins it - I mean if that were the case then Christians have been ruining to value of marriage for years with the rampant divorce.

See, my understanding of Jesus is that He loved us all no matter how light or dark we were, no matter how manly or feminine we were, no matter how gay or straight we were - He believed His love could transform hearts. See, ultimately God is the one who decides the punishment for our sins, but the Pharasiees wanted to be part of that punishing too - and apparently so do some Christians today. I have never heard someone say how much they appreciate, love and respect a cop after they get a speeding ticket - but I've heard it tons of times when a cop saved a life. Jesus wants us to love, that's what will make people see how real He is and how much they need Him - legislating morality isn't.

To get back to where I started, when California, with great financial support from Christian organizations and churches passed Prop 8, we drove a wedge between us and the gay community. At the same time we daily open the doors to our churches and welcome every other sinner with open arms. We need to show them that we love them, and if you can't love someone that is gay - that's between you and God. Cause the truth is that Jesus loves me no matter how much of a mess I am - and I need to be striving to be more like Him - daily.

Nice.

I can think of at least three specific moments in my life where I have been told that I am too nice. The people that told me this weren't being gracious, or thankful - they literally believed that by me being nice I would somehow be hurt. I find this to be a very interesting conclusion to come to because honestly, it in no way crossed my mind that it was possible to be hurt by being nice. But is it?

One of these specific moments was during my first semester of Anatomy. My lab table was right next to one of two microscope lockers in the class - so half of the class would come over to where my station was within the first several minutes of class to get their microscopes if we were using them, and the last few minutes of class when they had finished. The lab portion of the class began at 8:10am, and it ended at 11:40am - Three and one half hours of class. I decided on the second day of class that I would help everyone out by handing out the microscopes and putting them away ( In full disclosure, my motives were somewhat selfish because on the first day of class I was unable to start my studies until after everyone got their microscopes anyway since they were constantly bumping into me and maneuvering around me while they tried to get their microscopes and put them away - but this isn't what my lab partners saw ) Either way, I dedicated maybe a full seven minutes per lab assisting others with their microscopes. I was also one of the first people in the class to figure out how to use the microscope, so for the first few weeks I would assist others when they couldn't figure it out. After a few weeks one of the girls in my lab group, Veronica, pulled me aside to tell me that I was being too nice by helping others and that if I didn't leave everyone to their own devices and focus on my studies that I would probably end up getting a bad grade in the class. So I stopped.

Yes, I know - looking back on it and seeing how silly it is to believe that giving away maybe ten minutes out of 210 would hurt my grade I wonder why I stopped too - but regardless, I did. Over the next several sessions I had people give me some strange looks when I wasn't handing out the microscopes, or when I would say that I couldn't come help them dial in their microscope and Veronica always assured me by saying "See, they started expecting it of you - ungrateful bastards" - and I believed it. Until one day when another one of my lab partners, Chrissy asked me why I had stopped. I went on to explain how valuable our time is in here and how people can't depend on me to help them - then she said something that I will never forget, something that will always resonate within me, she said "Yea, that makes sense - it's just kind of a bummer cause it was nice to see you in action daily giving a minute here and a minute there to help others when you knew you would get nothing out of it - it was just nice to see that there still are some good people out there, it gave me hope." During my time in Wales I learned a term, it was "gutted". My friends out there would say that when something crappy happened, something that gave you that feeling in your stomach like everything had just dropped - like you had just been gutted. She went on to tell me that a few of the other students had asked her why I had stopped because they felt the same way - these were the students that were giving me funny looks.

So I started doing it again, much to Veronica's dismay and protest - and I was okay with that.

See, somewhere along the line we got this idea that being nice was a weakness - that by being nice we are allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, and vulnerability is always a bad thing - right? I mean, when I open a door for someone, or volunteer my truck and time to help someone move, or take some time out of my day to go spend time with a friend that's going through a rough time - I'm setting myself up to be taken advantage of in the future, to be expected to open the door all the time, or help moving, or take time for a friend - right? And that's a bad thing, isn't it? No.

The truth is, people will take the things you do for granted. People will take advantage of people when they are nice - but not everyone. See, when I stopped helping with the microscopes I thought the people were looking at me because they couldn't take advantage of me anymore - but the truth was far from that. Maybe a few people thought that, but for the most part people just appreciated what I did. The truth remains the same for anything, if I give some money to a homeless person - some will by food, some will buy booze - but who cares, does their action affect where my heart was at the time I helped? No.

Of course we need to make sure we don't allow people to excessively abuse how nice we are, but who cares if someone occasionally abuses it? Maybe in seeing me consistently help them it's slowly doing a work in their heart - maybe not - but there's always the possibility, and I'm will to risk it.

Cause in all honesty, when I am old and ready to go home - I would rather have lived my life making myself vulnerable to the good and the bad, than never opening myself up for either.

Titles

I've been thinking a lot about titles lately, and by lately I mean for like the past ten minutes. We live in a world that embraces titles, man, woman, American, Christian, black, white, doctor, so on and so forth. I think that titles are a way for us to feel connected to other people that are in the same groups we put ourselves in, I mean it's kind of like when I find out that someone else likes Cactus Cooler as much as I do. Now I can talk to this person about how great the pineapple is, or maybe how incredible the orange is, or how crazy it is when those two get together and fuse into pure awesomeness. Either way, this person and I now have a connection and we can relate to each other through this.

While some people may find that to be a silly analogy, ( okay it is ) it's still something we do. I mean when I was in Europe, while I totally dug the accents ... Something made me feel comforted to hear an American accent.

The more I thought about this, the more I started to realize that this may be what's wrong with the world ... okay, there's a lot more than just that wrong with the world, but I think that this may be one of the core issues.

See, when we obsess over these titles what we're really doing is obsessing over our differences, cause while my love for Cactus Cooler may connect me with a few people, it will most likely distance me from much more and this can be said about any title we slap onto ourselves.

The reason we have so many troubles in the Middle East is because we label ourselves Christians and Americans and they label themselves Iranian or Afghany and Muslim before either of us label ourselves HUMAN. They think we are immoral heathens and we think they're radical terrorists, and that's where we leave it, no chance for any type of relationship. Now that's kind of an extreme example but I think we use this daily in other smaller ways. Interactions with the fast food employee, bank teller, solicitor outside of the grocery store, homeless man on the corner, these people aren't people to us, they are those things I just labeled them, and nothing more than that, and if we don't have any of those things in common with them ... the chances of us connecting with them is remote, and I think that's where a lot of our problems come from.

What would happen if we allowed the people we randomly come in contact with throughout our days become real people, instead of just a title? I can only think of good things.

Things.

Last month Jen's condo was broken into twice. Well ... to be more accurate, her condo was broken into once and her garage was broken into once. From the condo her sister's laptop was taken, and from the garage, Jen's iPod, iPod cable, my bike, and my tools. It's a strange feeling to know someone has gone into your private places and taken your things. And while these things may hold a strong sentimental value to you, they hold nothing but a monetary value to that person that has taken them. But to be honest, the most concerning thing for me was not that these things had been taken, rather it was that I no longer felt that Jen and her sister were safe in their condo, and that's much worse than worrying about things.

See, the things that were taken meant a lot to all of us. Erica's laptop was a key source to her communicating with friends, studying, and holding memories ... ton's of pictures and music and other things gone ... forever. I gave Jen her iPod for Christmas two years ago, I got the back engraved with something corny that I will withhold from here so I can retain the tough-guy image that I pretend people have of me. I'm sure Jen has ton's a memories of things she has done, or places she has been while listening to music on that iPod, but now it also is gone ... forever. I'm sure I have some great memories of fixing stuff with those tools, but honestly I just felt more manly knowing I had a bunch of tools in my girlfriends garage. And the bike ... Jen got me this sweet beach cruiser for my birthday last year, and we have some great memories of things we did with our bikes. Apart from the many times we took them down to Huntington and rode up and down the beach and over on Main Street I have one particular memory that was pretty awesome. We drove down to the Newport Beach Brewing Company with our bikes in the bed of Jen's truck ... while I refused to admit it originally, the bed on her truck is longer than mine and the bikes did fit better in there, but anyway. We had probably one of the most mediocre lunches ever at NBBC and then we left the truck there and rode our bikes to the beach. We cruised down for a little bit, away from the more popular areas until we reached a spot that was a little more low key. We parked our bikes in front of a little restaurant and walked down to the shore. We played in the water for a bit, laid on the beach for a while and then walked back to our bikes. I distinctly remember not having anything dry to wear and have to ride the bike back a couple of miles still wet and eventually having to drive back to her place still wet. Now while that story would never make it as a television episode or anything, I remember us having a great time ... and it will be a memory that I never forget. Which brings me to my point.

See, when someone broke in a stole our stuff, all they got was stuff. And while it was easy at first to be bummed that someone that had no respect for the sentimental value of these items was now in possession of them, the truth is that the memories still exist, and those can't be taken ... (Unless someone pulls some crazy "Inception" junk on me, but I don't think that's gonna happen ... or maybe it is now, where is my totem? Sorry.) But the more that I thought of the connection between the things and the meaning behind the things the more I realized that now that these things were gone, in some way the meaning behind those things now meant more. Yah, I think I even lost myself on that last sentence. See, when I take a feeling, an emotion and try to turn it into something tangible by saying "That bike represents the good times we had at the beach and riding through the park", in a way I'm diminishing the true value of those good times. Cause in reality, we represent the good times we had at the beach and riding through the park. The bikes were just the vessels, but we were the ones that were actually experiencing it, we were the ones that were actually making the experience valuable. Not the bikes.

I was really bummed about my bike being gone, I was even more bummed about the iPod I got Jen being gone ... but the fact is that even though they're gone, what they stood for still exists. I mean, if someone took your favorite Bible, would it rock your faith? I hope not. If someone stole your wedding rings, would your marriage end? No way. But I feel like somehow, we put a lot of emphasis on these material things and forget about the true meaning behind them, and I'm honestly somewhat thankful that these things were taken ... because it reminded me of the true value of the meaning, and the experiences ... apart from the things.

But that doesn't mean I wouldn't punch the person that did this right in the nose if I ever met them ... You know, just to thank them.

Why don't we just choose the rapids?

Occasionally, I enjoy grabbing a cup of coffee from my local Seattles Best and reading a book from my extensive collection of "books I bought or was given that I want to read but haven't set aside the time to do so". Recently the book of choice has been "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" by Donald Miller. Great book, yet it isn't the point, or catalyst of this blog.

As I sat here reading my book and sipping my black coffee a group of three women and one man sat down at a table next to me and began a loud conversation. Now I'll be the first to admit that while I always attempt to be respectful of others privacy, I often find myself becoming an audience to the conversations around me. Today I am glad I did. From what I have gathered from the past two hours of their conversation and ten pages of my book, they are authors and trying to work on one of the ladies blog. She is an author that is finishing up a book and wants to become appealing to a younger audience to increase her distribution once the book is released. They have discussed, in detail, the types of font to use, the pictures they should put up, and what kinds of things she should talk about and post onto her blog.

I had drifted away from their conversation back into my book and became very intrigued by a story in which Donald Miller meets a man named Bob Goff, when the man that was with the writers at the other table loudly exclaimed, "You need to stop talking about who you are, and start talking about who your audience wants you to be!". There was a pause and one of the other women asked for some elaboration. I'm glad she asked because I know I was definitely wondering exactly what he meant by that statement. He then said one of the most profound things I've heard all day, "We keep pretending that if we allow an audience to get to know us that they'll want to buy our books, this is foolish. The truth is that we need to make they audience believe that we are intriguing and interesting and someone that they would like to spend time with, then they will want to buy our books, cause the truth is that the real us is kind of boring". As he finished this statement it struck me as an interesting thought, a profound thought, a thought that is applicable to many different areas of life ... a foolish thought in and of itself.

As I pondered it more thoroughly I wondered if this is how we live our lives, or at least if this is how we are taught to live our lives. I started to believe that we live in a world that is less concerned with being interesting and more concerned with appearing interesting. The things we wear, the music we listen to, the words we say ... are they really a true portrayal of the person we are, or of the person we believe others want us to be?

It's strange how relevant this is to me as I read this book which is about the stories we live, and while I could try and explain what that exactly means ... the truth is I would have to write a book about it once I finally figure it out. The point though, is that everyday when we wake up we are presented with several different roads to travel that day, and while many of them are roads to mediocracy and lazy lagoon living, there are a few full of adventure and rapids living. How often are we choosing the lazy lagoon all the while wanting people to believe we are choosing the rapids? And if that's the case, why don't we just choose the rapids?

The truth is, in the past I have allowed myself to read something about someone and believe that they are exciting and nice and intriguing only to later meet them and realize later that they are boring and kind of a jerk ( 12th birthday, David Copperfield ). And that isn't who I want to be, I mean I want to live an adventurous, exciting, intriguing life FOR ME, not because I want others to think those things of me. Cause in reality, what's the point of appearing interesting to others if you're not interesting and excited about your life yourself? I mean, do you want to live or do you want others to think that you are living?

If you've ever been to a water park you will know what the lazy lagoon is, it's the slow moving river that people plop their rafts in which travels in a circular route. I honestly have never heard an interesting story come from someone that floated around in the lazy lagoon. They usually are always exactly the same "Ummm, I started here and fell asleep and floated for a couple hours then I woke up and got out right where I started." Boring. At the same time I have never heard a boring story come from someone that just travelled down some rapids, and not only is the story of the journey interesting but they got somewhere. I really don't know what any of that has with what I've been saying, but all I know is that I want to wake up every morning and choose the rapids.

FaceBook and me.

Tonight I will crawl into my soft tempurpedic bed as I always do. I will lay there for a second and think of what time I need to get up for my final in the morning and then I will grab my phone and set my alarm, yet tonight I will do something different. After setting my alarm I will hit the home button and locate the FaceBook icon in the bottom left corner of my first screen, I will touch it until all of my icons jiggle like someone has turned them all into jell-o, and then I will click the small "x" located above the FaceBook icon. I've debated as to what app I will replace it with, but I don't think I will replace it with anything ... and here's why.

My friend Sean started doing these "Discipline Projects" a couple of months ago and the idea struck me as something I would be interested it. Now I don't know the full extent of Sean's motives, but I figured that this would be a great opportunity for me to find things in my life that aren't fruitful and replace them with things that were. Last month was meat, and this month will be FaceBook.

I've decided that if I don't replace the app on my phone it will be a reminder of what I should be doing. See, I've decided to replace FaceBook and more specifically, the time that it occupies with more physical activity. See, I've gotten out of shape ... and it's unacceptable. And to me FaceBook symbolizes time spent doing nothing productive, so while I don't necessarily have any major qualms with the idea of FaceBook, I just don't like what it symbolizes to me.

FaceBook is a wonderful place to stay in touch with friends of the past and present, and it is a great avenue to share who you are with all of these people in one easy place. I do have some qualms with FaceBooks privacy policies and what they do with my information outside of FaceBook, but as I've said many times in the past ... I have nothing to hide.

So what WILL I be doing for the next month instead of FaceBook? I will be making every attempt to make it to the gym twice a day, I'll be out of school ... so i'll have the time, there really are no excuses. If you want to go with me, let me know ... I could use the support. I'm also going to be climbing Box Springs Mountain at least once a week, yup ... I read that right ... So if you wanna come, just let me know ... I'll try to schedule it around everyone's availability.

My goal is to establish an unbreakable habit of an insatiable desire to be active. I can make a million excuses for why my activity level has diminished over the past couple of years, or I can accept full responsibility for it and just amp it up and not look back, I choose the latter.

That said, I want to make these "Disciple Projects" a regular thing, and I would love for people to join me. You don't have to do the same thing, but we can do these things together, encourage each other, and grow together. Let's make changes for the good.

We loved the letter, but not the spirit. ( Circa 10 May 2007 )

As humans, whether we like to believe it or not we like order, clear rules, like a list of do's and don'ts because in a way it makes things easier for us. If you know what you can, and can not do it makes it easier for you to judge how well you are doing, when you don't do anything wrong according to this list, then you can pat yourself on the back and feel as if you have accomplished something, and if you do break a rule on this list then you know you have done something wrong and you can beat yourself up about it, or, as a lot of people do, just no care either way.

Well, there were this people back in Jesus' day called Pharisees, and these guys are highly criticized for pretty much being so deeply in love with the law. The law is the rules and regulations that were laid out before Jesus came. The Jews were supposed to follow all of these, pretty much in order to be cool with God. They had toearn their way to God by following all of these laws. The craziest part was that even when Jesus came, and they were literally in the presence of God ... these rules and regulations were more important to them than being with Him.

Now when I first looked back at the accounts of the pharisees, I really had this mentality of "What was their problem?!", I mean there they were with God in the flesh and all they cared about was whether or not these rules were being followed. See, in reality, the purpose of all those rules and regulations were to show that we can't do it on our own ... that it is impossible to live the perfect life required by God, which is one thing that made Christ so much more beautiful, that He paid the price, and we have been saved from the "curse of the law" ( Galatians 3:13 ).

What I came to realize is that I am no better than them, the pharisees that is. Like I said earlier, it's so much easier to try to follow these rules and regulations, and judge myself based on how well i'm doing with these, rather than simply having a relationship with the God that created time and space. See, that is what God wants, He simply wants to have a relationship with us, that is why He sent His only begotten Son to die for us. He didn't want us to have to worry about following a bunch of rules and regulations, so He sent Christ to be the perfect sacrifice so we could simply have a relationship with Him. How amazing is that? God just wants to BE WITH US ... no strings attached. I love it, but too often I find myself wanting to prove myself worthy by doing things, and He doesn't want that ... He just wants to BE WITH US.

Second Corinthians 3:6 tells us that "... the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life", the letter being the law, and how true that is? There is such freedom in giving up those rules, and simply having a relationship with God. It's amazing, and it's beautiful ... and I feel so amazingly blessed to have a relationship with a God that loves me, and cares deeply about me.

How about today we stop doing things to earn Gods love, and start simply basking, and enjoying His love ... and have a relationship with Him.

God

( Borrowed from GREG GUTIERREZ )

God

The minister was the holiest of men. He would not let you forget this. The small island was blessed by his visit. All of his entourage said so. He warned the islanders about the dangers of lust and greed. The minister told them that even thoughts of lust (oh yes, even thoughts) made them no better than dogs. He was the holiest of men. His gold watch, gold necklace and rings sparkled in the South Pacific sunlight. His styled hair held fast, even against the strong trade winds.

His wish was to see the island and to meet as many people as he could. He wished to save as many souls as he might from Satan, who lurked everywhere (yes, even in this room). Times were dangerous and people were disappearing because of Satan’s followers. Nobody actually knew anyone who had disappeared but since the minister had said it, it certainly must be true. The minister, along with his large support staff, toured the island and they were given nice meals and gifts wherever they went. The minister had heard stories of the hermit surfer who lived in a cave on the far side of the island. The surfer led a simple life. He fished using the ancient techniques and rode a long wooden board. Though the people tried to talk him out of it, the minister felt that he must bring this surfer into his fold.
The minister asked a fisherman in his flock to motor him to the far side of the island in his Skip Jack 28. They arrived at the bay where the hermit surfer lived in his cave. The minister rowed himself to the cave in the dinghy of the fishing boat. When the minister told the surfer that he was a man of God, the surfer welcomed him, for the surfer loved God with all his being and wished to live alone so that he could spend his days in quiet prayer and meditation. The minister asked how the surfer prayed. The surfer answered that he surfed waves cleanly and got as deep in the pit as he could. The minister grew quite concerned and told the hermit he must read the Bible or forever burn in Hell.

The surfer was frightened and quickly agreed to begin reading at once. The minister personally signed a shiny new bible and left it with him. The minister felt wonderful, for certainly he had saved another soul. Oh, how he loved to sign and give away shiny new Bibles. The minister was tired, so he lay down for a nap while the surfer pored over the Bible. Shortly, the minister awoke and smiled as he saw the surfer reading with rapt intent. The minister bid the surfer farewell and rowed himself back to the waiting fisherman. They loaded up the dinghy and began their trip back to the other side of the island. After they had motored at 20 knots for about a half an hour they heard a voice behind them, coming from the sea. Swimming as fast as a dolphin, the surfer was catching up with the fishing boat. They stopped the boat, cut the engine, and the surfer swam alongside. He then churned up the ocean with his paddling feet until it seemed he was walking on the water itself.

The surfer said, “I have questions about the dreams and visions of Amos. Can you help me understand?”
The minister answered, “Come into the boat and let’s talk.” The surfer came over the rail. The minister continued speaking, “There are endless mysteries in the Bible. You could spend one thousand lives trying to understand it. I think you already know a peace I’ll never know. Go. Just read it and know it’s not to be completely understood by mortals.” “Thanks.” The surfer replied. “Now I’d like to do something for you. Please remove your rings and put them on the seat.” The minister did as he was asked. Then the surfer leaned towards him and removed his necklace and gently took off the minister’s watch. He picked up the rings and held all the jewelry up in his right hand. He smiled and said, “This is illusion,” and threw the jewelry into the sea. The minister’s eyes opened wide, then he started laughing from deep inside his chest. The surfer laughed too. Then he dove over the side and started swimming back to his cave.

Amongst the glitter, Remember You are of the ocean.

Religion Kills ( Circa 26 February 2006 )

What is religion? It is the noun of the word "religious" which is a verb. What does that mean? Religion is what a "religious" person has. So what does it mean to be "religious".

To be religious about something means to be extremely focused upon doing a certain thing, the actual word "religion" has nothing to do with God, it can be used in reference to God, but it can be used in reference to anything. You can be religious about brushing your teeth, taking showers, putting your left shoe on first or being in bed by 10 ( obviously I'm not in bed by 10 .. haha )

So why is religion associated with God and the following of spiritual leaders? Cause "religions", ie, Buddhism, Mormornism, JW, Scientology, Islam, they all have a set of "things" you need to do in order to follow that "god". Henceforth, you need to be "religious" to follow them. Like, you need to pray in a certain position so many times a day, or you need to talk to a certain amount of people, and give out a certain amount of pamphlets or a week, or give this much money to the "church" ... so on a so forth.

THAT IS WHY RELIGION KILLS

God does not want, or need you to do anything for Him ... He wants to have a relationship with you. If you read my blog from a few days ago "what the heck is up with Christianity", you'll remember that pretty much Adam and Eve were chillin with God in that sweet pad He hooked em up with, they blew it, He had to kick em out, but He loves us and He is working to bring us back. He wants to have that relationship with us, He wants to chill with us ... That's what matters, not the things you do, not the "religious" tendencies.

This is where us as humans jack it up ... we always think we need to work to get something, when really ... once we've got that relationship we don't need to to jack. People get sooooo focused on "having to do things", being "religious" that they lose sight of that "relationship".

What if you were married, and you spent all your time doing stuff for your spouse ... but never spent anytime with that spouse? That relationship would be dead, I would much prefer to just spend time with someone I love, rather than have them constantly doing stuff for me. Now, because I love them so much, I will do stuff for them ... but my focus is still that relationship ... It's the same way with God.

RELIGION KILLS

Because it takes the focus off of the relationship and back on you, and what you have to do.

Stop complicating it
Don't worry about "rules" and stuff like that in a relationship with God ... the true relationship just works out perfectly, without being constantly concerned about what you are doing.

Thanks for reading

until next time ... rock it with a smile

much love
buddy xxx

The decay of our metaphysical world.

There are two worlds that we live in, the physical and the metaphysical. The physical world being everything that we can see, feel, smell, hear and taste and the metaphysical being pretty much everything else i.e. our consciousness and our soul. It's pretty easy for us to sit back and evaluate our physical world with tests, and examinations, and research and find that while things aren't perfect, we're not on the verge of some cataclysmic end to all that we know. But how do we do this same kind of evaluation of our metaphysical world? How can we peer into this elusive world and see what it's health is like?

The other day in class my professor was describing the sense of smell that a hound has, specifically he was talking about Beagles. He proceeded to tell us that a Beagle could easily find out ten times more information about a room in ten seconds than we could find in ten hours, even if that Beagle were to be blind. The sense of smell that a dog has could easily sense ten times more information that our eyes can in a fraction of a second. If that Beagle could talk, he could tell you everyone that's been in your room in the past month, that the shirt you've been looking for is under your bed, and that your friend John was the one that left that empty soda can on the table. Now what does that have to do with the health of our metaphysical world? I'm glad you asked.

I believe that we have a direct connection to our metaphysical world through our heart, no ... not the physical one that vigorously pumps oxygen rich blood throughout your body, but the metaphysical one that we could probably be more accurately called our soul. Whatever you want to call it, it's a connection. I believe that we have the potential to develop this organ that we have and get in touch with the metaphysical world, but all too often we are more concerned with the physical world.

The other night I was watching the movie "Evan Almighty", and there is a scene in that movie that has one of my favorite fake God quotes ever. It comes at a scene where Evan's family is abandoning him because they think he has gone crazy, his wife and children are all out at some diner eating when one of the waiters named "Al Mighty" ( Yah, corny right? ) starts talking to Evan's wife. This is when "Al Mighty" aka God aka Morgan Freeman says,

"Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?"

I think this quote shows quite eloquently how connected God is to our heart, to our soul, to our metaphysical world. ( I really like using that word as you can see, it makes me feel smart ). See, God here sees that there is something broken, and while it is having consequences in the physical world, its something deeper and more metaphysical that needs to be fixed. It would be easy for someone to provide a million possible solutions to the problems their family was having including counseling, and vacations and new cars, but God here sees that in that we are curing the symptom and not the disease. This is our problem when we start dealing with problems like this, we truly want to make things seem good on the outside, without even thinking about what's going on inside.

So how do we evaluate the health of our metaphysical world? We need to take a look at the health of our soul, we need to see what's going on in there, and if you're anything like me you will see that there is a lot of work that needs to be done, and I've always believed that when something needs to be done, there's no better time than now ... Unless you need to do the yard and it's raining.

Until next time ... rock it with a smile.

buddy xxx

Genesis of a blog.

I've decided to create a new blog. I have spent years writing on Myspace and Facebook, but I really need a place that I can call my own, a place that can be the (semi) permanent home for my blog. How many people will I tell about this? I don't know. But this truly is a place for my to pour my heart out, a place for me to be brutally honest, a place for me to not care what others think and lay it all out there. Can you handle that? Can you handle an uncensored, un-sanitized blog of mine? That's up to you. I guess all that I can say is ... Proceed with caution. You have been warned.