Average.

I'm average at best.

I try to tell myself that I'm pretty awesome, but the truth is much less.

I summited half-dome to prove a point - and that's all it was, to prove a point.

Sure I've done some alright things in my lifetime, but of all the "great" things I've done, 90% of them have been my job. Rescues, putting my life on the line, danger. - it's hard to consider yourself special when most of the things you've done have been dependent upon a paycheck.

I want to make my ex think she made a mistake.
I want to make her regret her decision.

But ultimately, she probably made the best decision for her. I wasn't a man. I haven't been a man. Dollars mean nothing, I'm a loser.

I know she wanted to be happy, and she deserved to be happy - she worked so hard, and I was nothing but a burden.

I see why she didn't fight for "us".

It was more "me" than "us".

Life is short, and you may only find "the one" once - maybe I'll be stuck on this forever and I'm okay with that. I'm glad she was able to move on from me so easily, cause while I hate to admit it - I'm pretty much 100% Douchebag - I deserve to suffer for this. She doesn't deserve to suffer, she's incredible. I have met very few women of God in my life, and she is one of them. I hope she thrives upon that.

Life is filled with decisions.

I wish I would have chosen to snuggle.

I wish I would have chosen to keep trying to snowboard.

I wish I would have kissed her goodnight in Mammoth.

Love does not last forever and there is ALWAYS someone else waiting to love more than you did - and I blew it.

Find her and love her - never give up.

I gave up.

If only for what I saw in a short time - I gave up - but regardless. I gave up.

Smile.

You deserve to smile.

You deserve the best.

This is what you've been hoping for, and dreaming for.

Me giving up.

I've fought it for a while, but I want you to be happy.

I'm sure you already are, but this will be a weight off of you somewhere - maybe your ankle or something.

Take care, be happy - I want nothing but a million smiles from you.

You deserve to smile non-stop.

Goodbye.