Want.

What has God done for you recently? I mean really - what has He done that you can speak of? When you prayed that He would help you get that job you really want a few months ago, did you get it? Or when you prayed to find the love of your life to quench your inferno of a desire to be loved - did they show up? How about when that person that is close to you was dying and you prayed for them to get better - did they? The chances are that they didn't, so what does this say about this "God" that we claim to be so good, and so loving, and so caring?

When I was in fifth grade I remember laying in bed every night, looking up at the stars and praying that Lauren Mascarella would be my wife one day. At the time I wasn't a Christian so I prayed to stars - you know, like Jiminey Cricket told us to. Had I been a Christian I would have said "Father" instead of "Star light, star bright", but the fact is that I would pray for this every single night. In my fifth grade year book Lauren wrote, "I'm going to a different school, I'll never see you again - have a nice life". I went home a cried. The last time I saw Lauren was in my Junior year of High School, she was very gothic, and very weird - I then started praying to God that that year of praying to stars wouldn't ever come true.

See, it is completely outside of our capibility to know what is best for us. We pay for jobs that are no good for us, loves that will break our hearts and lives that God is ready to take home - then we get mad when we don't get it. We're like the fat kid that always wants candy bars and says mommy doesn't love them when they don't get it - we're sick.

We diminish or relationship with God that we would have with a magic 8-ball.

I don't think we'll ever figure it out until the day we go home.