One of these specific moments was during my first semester of Anatomy. My lab table was right next to one of two microscope lockers in the class - so half of the class would come over to where my station was within the first several minutes of class to get their microscopes if we were using them, and the last few minutes of class when they had finished. The lab portion of the class began at 8:10am, and it ended at 11:40am - Three and one half hours of class. I decided on the second day of class that I would help everyone out by handing out the microscopes and putting them away ( In full disclosure, my motives were somewhat selfish because on the first day of class I was unable to start my studies until after everyone got their microscopes anyway since they were constantly bumping into me and maneuvering around me while they tried to get their microscopes and put them away - but this isn't what my lab partners saw ) Either way, I dedicated maybe a full seven minutes per lab assisting others with their microscopes. I was also one of the first people in the class to figure out how to use the microscope, so for the first few weeks I would assist others when they couldn't figure it out. After a few weeks one of the girls in my lab group, Veronica, pulled me aside to tell me that I was being too nice by helping others and that if I didn't leave everyone to their own devices and focus on my studies that I would probably end up getting a bad grade in the class. So I stopped.
Yes, I know - looking back on it and seeing how silly it is to believe that giving away maybe ten minutes out of 210 would hurt my grade I wonder why I stopped too - but regardless, I did. Over the next several sessions I had people give me some strange looks when I wasn't handing out the microscopes, or when I would say that I couldn't come help them dial in their microscope and Veronica always assured me by saying "See, they started expecting it of you - ungrateful bastards" - and I believed it. Until one day when another one of my lab partners, Chrissy asked me why I had stopped. I went on to explain how valuable our time is in here and how people can't depend on me to help them - then she said something that I will never forget, something that will always resonate within me, she said "Yea, that makes sense - it's just kind of a bummer cause it was nice to see you in action daily giving a minute here and a minute there to help others when you knew you would get nothing out of it - it was just nice to see that there still are some good people out there, it gave me hope." During my time in Wales I learned a term, it was "gutted". My friends out there would say that when something crappy happened, something that gave you that feeling in your stomach like everything had just dropped - like you had just been gutted. She went on to tell me that a few of the other students had asked her why I had stopped because they felt the same way - these were the students that were giving me funny looks.
So I started doing it again, much to Veronica's dismay and protest - and I was okay with that.
See, somewhere along the line we got this idea that being nice was a weakness - that by being nice we are allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, and vulnerability is always a bad thing - right? I mean, when I open a door for someone, or volunteer my truck and time to help someone move, or take some time out of my day to go spend time with a friend that's going through a rough time - I'm setting myself up to be taken advantage of in the future, to be expected to open the door all the time, or help moving, or take time for a friend - right? And that's a bad thing, isn't it? No.
The truth is, people will take the things you do for granted. People will take advantage of people when they are nice - but not everyone. See, when I stopped helping with the microscopes I thought the people were looking at me because they couldn't take advantage of me anymore - but the truth was far from that. Maybe a few people thought that, but for the most part people just appreciated what I did. The truth remains the same for anything, if I give some money to a homeless person - some will by food, some will buy booze - but who cares, does their action affect where my heart was at the time I helped? No.
Of course we need to make sure we don't allow people to excessively abuse how nice we are, but who cares if someone occasionally abuses it? Maybe in seeing me consistently help them it's slowly doing a work in their heart - maybe not - but there's always the possibility, and I'm will to risk it.
Cause in all honesty, when I am old and ready to go home - I would rather have lived my life making myself vulnerable to the good and the bad, than never opening myself up for either.
No comments:
Post a Comment